Response Ideas: Do you feel like you have any highly sensitive traits? If so, describe them. Did this book help you understand anyone around you? Do you feel like the research and explanations were valid and convincing, or did her ideas seem like a stretch from reality? Highly Sensitive Online Test: https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/ Danica says... (Test Score: 20) Ways I related to Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs) Stimulating Environments: I remember when I went on a date to a shooting range. The sounds of the guns around me really overwhelmed me and I started crying. I didn't feel afraid of the guns, but the sound was a lot for me. Even though it was expensive, we left right away and I felt so embarrassed! I can still be moody when I feel overwhelmed by too much sound or being in large crowds of people. Environmental Factors the Lead to being an HSP: My household of my parents and one sister was often quiet and peaceful. Even when we were playing a competitive game and we were being loud and hyper, it was just one conversation. I sometimes still feel overwhelmed with large groups when there are a lot of different conversations going on! Sleep: I definitely do not do well without being well rested. This is the most telling to me that I might be an HSP, because getting enough sleep is the difference of me being completely content and being a complete nightmare. Relationships: The book says HSPs "fall in love harder". I think this applies to me, which is why I felt devastated when romantic relationships didn't work out like I had hoped. But luckily I found someone who also falls in love hard <3 Denying Darker Side: I definitely don't like being angry. When I feel upset I don't want to be around anyone, but I have started communicating my feelings more when I am upset instead of just hiding away which is my natural inclination! Ways I didn't relate as much: Thriving as an HSP: I remember being extremely shy my first year of college. I remember someone telling me that they were surprised I wasn't a snob after getting to know me. The book talks about discovering coping strategies so you can go out into the world and live your dreams. Being a missionary really forced me to find ways to be comfortable in new and exciting settings. Now I feel excited to try new things and meet new people! Social Skills: I think used to be a very validating and good listener. Now I can be over-dominating during conversations (so maybe I used to be HSP and now I'm not, or less so?). Work: HSPs would rather not mingle with coworkers and go to social events outside of work obligations. I'm not like that. I like being around people and doing fun stuff in groups. They don't seek promotions at work, and I have applied for higher positions in the jobs I have had, and I am not afraid to explain why I would be capable. Erica says... (Test Score: 24) I definitely fall into the category of a highly sensitive person (HSP). I've known about my own sensitivity for as long as I can remember (I'm not sure at what point I labeled it as sensitivity), but I wasn't aware that an estimated 20% of the population is highly sensitive. Everything I read in the book was extremely relatable. This book helped me realize that I can embrace my unique characteristics, and that they aren't flaws that I have. It was helpful to realize there are other people out there like me! I think my husband is also a highly sensitive person, but our personality and gender differences have caused us to react to our sensitivities differently (based on what is culturally acceptable, etc). My highly sensitive characteristics are more obvious than his are. Some traits that I related to include: -Feeling flawed, misunderstood, "different" -Being seen as gifted yet also sometimes "spacey" -Being more easily overstimulated than others (Getting overwhelmed at Walmart, parties, in big groups, around noise, driving at night, etc) -Being extremely sensitive to being not only overstimulated, but also under-stimulated. Finding that balance is very important for my well-being and overall health. Being under-stimulated affects me very negatively. -In groups of people, I am most comfortable seeking out another highly sensitive person (someone who appears shy or introverted) to socialize with, rather than mingling with the entire group or with the more lively/extroverted people. -I interact with people best in one on one situations. -Having a very sensitive body- everything from skin sensitivities, to stomach sensitivities (food sensitivities), and needing more rest to recover from work or exposure to stimulation (parties, socializing, college classes). -Being very sensitive to the mood and atmosphere of a place, rather than seeing the details of the furniture or decorations. Sensing the relationships in the room, and whether there are any tensions. -Being extra sensitive to others' feelings. -Being an intuitive learner and decision maker. -Having a tendency towards creativity, imagination, and feeling-related work. -Pushing aside my feelings- trying to bury them- so as not to appear too sensitive. -I was labeled as "shy" as a kid (and have labeled myself as shy since then). -One of my very best friends and I were introduced by our parents and our moms would try to force us to actually talk to each other and spend time together. I think I am probably an extroverted highly sensitive person. Reading about that combination made a lot of sense to me because I've often been confused about whether I fit into the introverted or extroverted category. I love being around people, and generally dislike being alone, but when I'm tired, worn out, or overstimulated, I can't relax until I'm alone in a quiet place. In the book, Dr. Elaine Aaron explains that non-HSP extroverts are comfortable in social settings to relax and unwind, while a HSP extrovert often needs to go be alone to unwind. I love being around people and generally do not like being by myself for unlimited or extended amounts of time, but when I feel overstimulated, I prefer to retreat to somewhere more slow and quiet where I can recharge. I have a hard time really relaxing anywhere except at home. And I have a hard time relaxing if it is too loud or overstimulating at home. I felt that the research and explanations were very valid. It was especially easy for me to feel this way because I relate to much to being a highly sensitive person. I have often felt I was "different" or "misunderstood" in the ways she described. This book has also helped me recognize some of these traits in my family members, and I think it will be helpful for me to recognize sensitivities in my loved ones, especially raising a highly sensitive child. I liked what she said about helping highly sensitive children. Not sheltering them from any stimulation (because over sheltering causes the remaining stimulation to be overwhelming), and also not pushing them too much out of their comfort zone. I will need to be aware of this balance with my children who are sensitive. I think my own sensitivity could easily give me a tendency towards over-sheltering/overprotecting a sensitive child, which actually could be much more harmful than helpful. Christine says... (Test Score: 23) I am a Highly Sensitive Person (referred to as HSP in the book) and this book was a great reinforcement for some of the things I have already learned about myself as well as a good resource for some new ideas. I was extremely shy as a child.. as in I often wouldn't even speak to even my older siblings, father, aunts, uncles, and older cousins unless I had a significant motivation. As the author discusses in the book, shyness is not automatically a trait of HSP's but is fairly common depending on the environment a person grew up in. I grew up the youngest of 7 children in a large and loud family, I was also the by far youngest in the entire generation of cousins who all lived in the same community. In some ways I was nearly a generation younger than many of my cousins and even the younger ones were not close to my age. I had a tendency to be overwhelmed by too much noise and chaos and when our family got together or relatives stopped by to visit, it was always loud and chaotic. I was a quiet child and preferred to read, do puzzles, or play one-on-one with a friend. I lacked social skills and my biggest fear was speaking in front of a crowd or suddenly becoming the center of attention and I would blush, freeze, and panic. In the book, the author describes this reaction as "over-stimulated." However, as I continued through school, I partially offset my shyness with my high academic achievements and sports participation. These successes helped my confidence to grow although I still preferred not to speak in front of crowds or be the center of attention. As I progressed through high school, I developed better social skills but still had a tendency to be a quiet person. With the help of our high school speech therapist, I was able to do pretty well giving the Valedictorian speech at my high school graduation. I had never been to the speech therapist before that, but as I look back now, I can see that some wise person assigned him to take me under his wing and help me get through that speech. It was a tremendous help and I really appreciated it. Over the years, through becoming more self-aware, I have developed some skills as well as recognized how to accommodate my high level of sensitivity. Here are some examples I am aware of as well as some related insights I gained from the book. 1. Alone Time: I have learned that I need to have alone time every day. When I don't have this quiet contemplative alone time for several days in a row, my stress levels rise which leads to poor eating choices which leads to overall feeling of illness. By just having 1-3 hours each day to have some solitude, work quietly by myself, and get lost in my thoughts, I tend to stay more balanced. This time could be working on my laptop, sewing, household chores, watching tv, playing games. More often it's a combination of 2 of these activities. In the book, she talks about the importance of HSPs to have alone time to avoid getting over-stimulated and have a tendency to shut down. Although, she uses different terms, she discusses this same concept and the need for alone time to regenerate. 2. Intellectual Stimulation: Over the years I have learned that I crave regular intellectual stimulation. I love to delve into the details of any topic and research it deeply. In the past I have tried to satisfy this craving through work or reading or researching a topic. However, the last six years I have found a great way to satisfy this craving. I have been taking online university classes... not to get a degree, but just for ongoing learning and intellectual challenge. I take one or two classes a semester and occasionally skip a semester if I have other obligations. This has been the best intellectual satisfaction I have ever had. I plan to complete a graduate degree someday but am not quite willing to take on the large expense. So until then I will continue to take online classes. In the book, I would now describe this in that I get easily over-whelmed in social settings, yet often get bored intellectually. By taking breaks from social situations and increasing my intellectual stimulation I have found a much better balance in my life. 3. Perfectionism: I have a tendency to be a perfectionist. Imperfections often jump out to me and I have a difficult time not correcting them. This often leads to endless revisions to projects, written documents, home improvements, or crafts. In the book, she describes this trait as a heightened awareness of the subtle - details than many others do not notice. I find in my work, in my volunteer church positions, and at home, I have a tendency to be driven to perfectionism and have to find the balance between productivity in completing projects and unnecessary perfectionism. When I am not able to reach a state of perfectionism then I have a tendency to "give up" on that project or area which provides an ironic contrast between perfectionism and neglect. The author discusses, this as one of those traits of HSP's that can be either a positive super power or a negative trait depending on how it is used. Personally, I am working on "letting go" of perfectionism when it is contrary to being able to productively complete projects at work or at home. Overally, I enjoyed this book and think it is very helpful for highly sensitive people to read to better understand how to make the most of their positive traits and minimize the negative aspect of these traits. It would also be helpful for friends and spouses of highly sensitive people to better understand and support them. P.S. I listened to the audiobook which I enjoyed, but unfortunately the narrators voice is one of those "highly intellectual" voices, if you know what I mean, It can be arrogant and slightly annoying. :)
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